flightforfreedom | MoM IC Inbox

let's just say if you see a woman with dark hair in a leather jacket flying around on a horse? that's probably me

it's a long story

but i'll remind you
what's a pegasi?

everything that i've heard from you about your home sounds basically impossible, in mine.

but yeah. exactly. 'until we started to rot from the inside' is basically exactly the thing.

There's got to be some way to get the nanites back on line.

it's weird, because i can almost hear them, sometimes? but its like their voices are still too far out of scale.

Wh Fuck! You can turn into a hot woman?! Fuck! I can't believe you can turn into a hot woman! I can't believe I've got hot woman Poe right in front of me and I've fucked up so badly that you probably don't wanna bone down on me anymore! Fuck!!!! I shoulda waited a month before telling you! Fuck! God! God damn it. GOD. AUAGH. I'M SO MAD! Ugh. UGH. Augh. Anyway. Um. What? Oh, right. Pegasi. So, a pegasus is a horse, typically white as snow with great great wings - But they could sense an innate goodness in a person's soul. I knew a few people who rode them into battle and they were the kindest, most loving people I've ever met. There's a whole big thing about it, but it just - I don't know. A pegasus would totally love you. It makes sense to me that you've got a flying horse. Does that make sense? Maybe that's why it makes so much sense to me that you're a pilot, too. Like - of course you are. That's where kind people deserve to be. In the sky. I dunno. My home is stupid. But - that's fascinating, that you can almost hear the nanites voices. Have you heard them since - all of this started happening?

[It's impossible to smother the smile spreading over his face. He's glad no one else can see him grinning stupidly at his communicator.

Damn it, Dameron.]

sorry, bud

pretty sure that would put me very firmly into getting-my-head-ripped-off-and-eaten-by-wild-lions territory

Huh. i've never heard about creatures like that. mine doesn't have wings, though, and it's black - does that make a difference?

and i've known some utter assholes that could fly so
just saying
the rules don't fully apply

Yeah. I couldn't hear them before. Not until everything started going on the fritz.

I think it's just the fact that I can hear everything a lot more loudly than it is in particular about the nanites, though.

Brave the lions??????? You coward!!!!!

[ he's grinning, too, but also only like 30% joking, and when he realizes that and remembers how things are between them now he quickly just fucking smothers this side of the conversation to death. moving on. moving the fuck on ]

No. There were black ones, too. White were just the most common, I guess. And, Look. Stop questioning my rules, Dameron. I'm just saying it's nice and it made me feel nice and you're nice. You made me think of home for a second. I'm gonna beat you up. Fuck, though... I'm sorry. I feel like that'd drive me insane, if I were in your shoes. I wish I could help you get some sleep, or something. I know you're awake for a reason, but I also wish my stupid useless-ass dream powers worked that way? Ugh. Is there any part of you that can understand what they might be saying? Or is it too distant?

well, i'm glad someone still thinks i'm nice
though that got violent quickly

and it's fine. frustrating, but fine. i really don't think your dream powers are useless, though

and no, it's sort of like being able to hear whispers filtered through a giant hall but then also through a tiny earpiece? I don't know how to describe it. I can't hear anyone else's, either - just mine. I think.

It's a very, very bizarre feeling

I wouldn't be talking to you if I thought you were anything less than a fantastic dude. And you know how I treat fantastic dudes. You were totally getting in on me and Peter's energy by the end of things. I bet if we were up there for another week you'd have been biting him as hard as I did. That does sound bizarre. I wish I could offer some advice, but if you were hearing voices like that in my world, you were probably possessed and about to murder everyone. So. Don't... Do that. I know I said this already, But you really are dealing with a lot right now. And I know that you're strong enough to be able to handle it, even if I'm worried about you, But is there anything I can do? At all? Even if it's just something small like - like make you food, so when you come home you'll have something warm to eat, or... anything like that. You don't even have to see me. I can just leave it at your door, or send someone to deliver it, or-- something.

i am never going to have what you and peter have
this is a burden i will just learn to live with

my teeth will probably thank me, though

hahaha alright
i promise not to murder everyone
most of the time it's just my fridge complaining about how no one cleans it out, so

it's not particularly incredible chatter

[There's a pause, before he continues. He writes: you're a good man, owain, but catches it before he sends it.

he isn't sure why he feels that way, but he's pretty sure he's not allowed to use that name, anymore]

you're a good man, odin

but i am barely home for more than twenty minutes, these days
it would be cold and probably soggy before i even got to eat it

[There's another pause, and then:]

even just talking to you does a lot
so don't worry.

That's probably for the best, yeah. I'd get super jealous if you and Peter ended up slapping each other and playing gay chicken like we do.

[ He has other things to reply to - he wants to yell at Poe about how he used to eat charred bear meat and he never complain, so the dumb stupid pilot with his dumb stupid hair could deal with some slightly cold curry or something - but fuck. You're a good man, Odin.

He knows why this is happening. He knows this is how things have to be. "Owain" has always been a name he only shares with those he's closest to, and Poe calling him Odin here, privately, when up until now it's been-- just, he gets it. He gets what Poe's doing. He helped throw the dirt in that grave, when he himself tried so hard to bury Owain after that first mixtape.

He gets that he should let this happen. He gets that asking to be called Owain again is a dangerous step - like he's closing something between them that shouldn't be closed, opening himself up to that same hopeful vulnerability he had when he thought maybe they could be together one day. He's said, over and over and over again, that Poe's the one to determine the distance between them, and that he has to respect that. He gets that this is Poe's attempt at establishing some kind of boundary.

He gets it, but-- ]

Not Owain?

[The stupid smile he'd been harbouring by himself, sitting with his communicator in the dark, slid off of his face, a pit opening up in his chest.

He can't reply right away, unsure how to, just staring at the communicator until the screen shuts off from being out of use. He swipes the screen again to bring it back. Dammit.

Give him space, Poe Dameron. Don't lead him on, Poe Dameron. Don't go near him, don't look at him, don't talk to him, just let him rest and recover, Poe Dameron.

He'd never been very good at following orders he didn't fully believe in.]

i thought i'd lost that priviledge

[ the next message comes so, so much faster than any of the others odin's sent. he types it out without thinking, hammering it into his communicator without giving himself to think about why he shouldn't. ]

I want to be someone to you.

Edited (WAIT I MADE IT WORSE) 2017-12-11 00:27 (UTC)

[He doesn't know how to reply to that. The hole in his chest just widens, clawing at the inside of his rib cage and dragging anything that it caught down into it's gaping maw. Swallowing him up from the inside out.

He writes four things, and deletes them. Writes another. Deletes that. He literally doesn't know how to respond to this, and the minutes are dragging on.

Finally he just gives up.

He is almost definitely 100% making this worse but everything else he could think of saying was either a lie or completely deflecting and ignoring the question]

you are, owain.

just trying to figure this out

[ another line from Poe he can read into a thousand different ways, all of which hurt harder than the last. he looks out the window of fauxhalla, watching the birds fly over the trees and thinks of little inconsequential things like what magnus is going to cook for dinner that night or what peter's doing with his girlfriend right now.

he's getting better at not obsessing over every little word poe says, if only slightly. maybe he really is capable of letting go, some day.

probably not, though. ]

I'll stop saying things like that. I promise. Still gonna make you something to eat, though.

i will eat it dutifully

[He doesn't say anything about the rest. He can't. He doesn't trust himself to do it.]

[ takes that as a silent "yeah, that'd be good" and feels sand in his stomach for pushing things. he types "you can call me odin if you really want", but can't bring himself to send it. just dwells in his regret with his thumb hovering over send for about fifteen minutes. ]

I should probably let you go check on your friend. I'll be here - if you need to talk.

yeah. not really something I'm relishing but

thanks

I'll see you soon

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