flightforfreedom | A stupid post for stupid threads

He could drag Poe back out here every year or so, he was pretty sure. He'd never get the man out of a fighter cockpit, but he could maybe redirect it every now and again. But he wasn't sure even that was what Kes wanted to hear because he was so very far out of his depth now. Families. People you love but didn't agree with, ones that if you left didn't end in screams of traitor and attempted murder.

The tea was too hot, but Finn schooled his features as he took a sip anyway, trying to buy time. But even with his throat burning he was in over his head. Kes was right, he shouldn't have tried. Finn had known him for far less time and he knew that. Being a trader was nothing like having a cause, like putting life on the line for the sake of others.

At least he was aware enough not to reply with that.

"I'm don't know what to say."

He raised a hand, not looking up at Finn, but indicating that he wasn't done - that Finn didn't need to say anything because he hadn't really gotten to his point yet. However that didn't mean he continued immediately. Just lowered his hand slowly back to the table, and let the silence hang there for a while.

"Shara was... the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on." He continued in a quiet voice. "And I would have done anything for her. I did. But it was different. We met in the middle of the war, we were already in the thick of it - we dreamed of retirement together, after the empire was defeated and the battle was done, and..." He trailed off, looking miserable. "... We worked for peace. I assumed that once we found it, Poe would be able to grow up in it."

He raised his eyes again, meeting Finn's.

"... I can't lose my son again, Finn. Promise me - promise me, that if something happens, you'll-- I don't care what it means, but promise me that you'll save him, if you can." He knew he was asking the impossible, and being incredibly unfair by doing so, but he couldn't help it. "Don't let him die alone, Finn. Please."

It sent him back a few weeks. If I had the Force...

He set the cup down harder than was needed, not starting at the sharp noise it made. This was better. This he could deal with more than Kes and Poe's complicated relationship. There was a difference, in that Poe had no expectation of a happy retirement, of raising his kids in peace. Probably thanks to the failed dream of his own parents, of hearing Kes lament this very thing when he went off to war. Come to think of it, he had to wonder how much of his certainty of death and misery had been cemented in this very room...

Something for a different time. Absolutely not points he would bring up here.

"I'm in this for your son. For...for a very, very large part."

There were two people in this galaxy that weren't allowed to die alone or in pain. Finn would abandon any resistance mission to make sure of that without a moment of hesitation.

"I promise. Not while I'm around."

Ke's shoulders slumped forward, letting out a long breath as if he hadn't let himself breathe for several minutes. And indeed - it took him that look to gather himself up to reply. His eyes were wet, and silently, he raised the heel of his palm to his eyes and rubbed the moisture away, taking a shaking breath.

"... Thank you." The words were extremely quiet, and it was a long time before he offered any more of them.

"... I'm glad he-- I'd thought for certain that he was... avoiding--" The words weren't coming out right. "I wish he had - I wish I had known, before, but I know why he didn't. But I'm glad that he has you, anyway."

Finn didn't fully follow, but he instinctively started to reach a hand towards the man- then hesitated- then purposefully pushed forward anyway, placing the hand on his shoulder. Not patting, or rubbing, just there. It was Poe's father, not Poe himself, and Finn had only really gotten experience in offering comfort to the latter. But it was a start and any action was better than none at all.

"I...didn't have this. Or I did, maybe. Parents probably died in one battle or another, I don't remember. And the Order always picks up the resources left behind." That he, and any other kids still alive and young enough to not have any memories of their families and so have nothing to develop a sense of revenge over, counted as resources went without saying. "But Poe knows. How lucky he is."

Orphan. That made sense to Kes on a deep level, and he looked up at Finn, the edges of his eyes still shimmering, but his voice was steady when he spoke.

"He is lucky." He didn't mean himself. "And don't let him drive you completely insane, alright? If you need-- well. If you need anything, let me know. I don't have a huge amount of resources, but I can spare what I can."

"No, no. You've- this is a great place."

He looked out away from Kes, towards the door and at the trees beyond. They'd had a chance to explore during the weeks. Well, explore for him. Revisit old ground for Poe.

"Great," he repeated softly. "Peaceful."

Kes watched him for a long moment.

"... I'll make up a room for you," He said finally. "I mean-- obviously you're welcome to Poe's whenever you like, but - I'll make one up for you, too. You can come whenever you like."

"Thanks, that's...thanks. But, uh, how much space is there? For people."

There is a false idleness to the question that probably reads as instantly suspicious, the choice of people over guests odd enough. Finn never was much for lying. He had an estimate, anyway, but it would be helpful to have confirmation from the man himself.

That made Kes frown - not because he was offended, but because he was confused. "Ah - it was built for five, originally," He admitted, which was telling. Poe was an only child.

Apparently he wasn't supposed to be.

"But I could house more, if emergency required..."

"Rey grew up on Jakku, big waste of a desert."

Rey had been mentioned enough in the weeks, no need to explain more.

"No family either, fighting off other scavengers for...more of that. But it's nice here."

Finn took a small drink of tea, before looking up at Kes again.

"Can't even imagine, how different every thing would have been for us, for every orphan fighting because they have nothing else instead of because it's for the right thing, growing up in a place like this."

Rey had indeed been brought up a few times, and Kes smiled, finally thinking he'd figured out what Finn had been trying to ask for. "Of course, your friends are always welcome."

He looked out as Finn continued speaking, nodding quietly.

"I can. I saw it." Poe was proof. And he'd gone and fucked it up. His smile faded. "And then they'll make more, because war requires endless canon fodder."

"The war never ended at all, for some of us."

He isn't even sure it is the best idea to bring up, but without Poe here to risk making feeling slightly guilty over the differences in their pasts, it seemed the best time to mention what had been gnawing quietly at the back of his skull in this large, essentially empty place. Anyway, he had just sworn to die for Poe. Hard to find a bigger opening than that.

"And your son makes up a full half of my friends. Curious why you never drafted any kids into the compound yourself. You've got better food than the Order."

"Drafted kids--" He looked a little horrified at that, as if trying to figure out why he would need a child army, but then he seemed to figure out what Finn meant. "Adopt them, you mean." He frowned slightly, before turning to look out the window.

"I... I don't know. We'd always wanted- We were going to have more children, but..." He trailed off, his brows furrowing. "After I lost Shara, and Poe left..." He trailed off.

Finn, in his way, tries to be sympathetic. In that he takes a long moment to drink some more tea- and he might be a tea person now, he had never had much in the Order but Kes was winning him over- before he replies.

"Poe signed up a long time ago."

"I didn't want to have to say goodbye to anyone else." Kes admitted, almost ashamed. No. Not almost. Very ashamed.

"I didn't even think I would last this long."

Finn nodded, he wasn't here to torment the man, after all. Or judge. It was more a question born of pure practical curiosity than anything. Wasted space was still a foreign concept.

"I know the resistance runs into our share, if you ever think about it. It's an incredible feeling...Having someone that wants to welcome you back."

Poe is nowhere in sight, of course. Probably doing more flips and tricks out of finn's view than was strictly wise, even now. But he turned to look in the direction where he had taken off anyway. Clearly theirs wasn't a paternal relationship. But it really did change the way the world looked, having Poe in his life.

Kes had already been looking off in that direction - though every time he did, he kept half expecting Shara to fly up over the horizon.

"... Yes, it is." He whispered, and then shook his head hard of the daze and stood up. "You'll - you'll want to keep an eye out for Poe, I imagine. I'll... I'll think on it." That was as much as Finn was getting, at the present moment. Kes had only just opened up his heart to someone new - the idea of continuing to do it, after so long... It felt nearly as terrifying as it felt amazing.

Even if he knew he would miss his son even more, after having had him, for a few weeks.

Finn took his tea and left the man in piece. They'd both said what they had for the moment, maybe there'd be more before they left in the next couple days. But for now, he'd enjoy having nothing to do but sit in the grass and wait for Poe.

Poe wasn't much longer - the sound of the A-Wing zipping through the atmosphere arriving far before the sight of it did, zipping in along over the trees. He did a lap around the compound before he lowered the ship - the grass rippling around it as it landed. With a loud woosh, the engines powered down, and Poe popped the cockpit open, grinning, pulling his helmet off. His hair was slightly matted to his forehead, and he put the helmet down on the seat before climbing out.

He hadn't gotten up until the fighter was actually in view. Those last few minutes, as all the time since Kes had left, dedicated to mulling over various things the man had said over the past few weeks, this most recent conversation first among them.

Don't let Poe die alone.

Finn didn't really wait for Poe to get his bearings on the grass, practically sweeping him up for a kiss.

"Welcome back."

Poe was a very physically affectionate man - and was all too happy to let Finn be affectionate with him - but he still wasn't quite expectly to be nearly literally swept off his feet. He laughed against Finn's lips and slid his arms around to loop loosely at his waist.

"I was only gone a quarter of an hour," he teased.

He shrugged as best he could with Poe still in his arms, possibly moving the pilot himself a bit with the motion thanks to that grip. He kept close, though, resting his chin on Poe's shoulder, partially to hide his expression. He really didn't have a fast an easy excuse for the warmer than normal welcome, and when it came to Finn talking on his feet...

"Just thinking too much."

The smile faded slightly, concern taking its place - he was expecting a laugh, back, maybe some teasing - not a shrug and a mumble about how much he'd been thinking.

He leaned back a little though didn't break away from Finn's arms - just enough to be able to quickly look over his face.

"Hey - you alright?"

Finn leaned in for another kiss, slow and thoughtful and only a tiny bit buying time.

"Yeah....yeah."

Another kiss before he finished that eloquent little reply, then a hand came up to try and push back the mess the helmet had made of Poe's hair. The frown doesn't quite go away, but his expression softens, all fondness for the man in front of him.

"Just time to wake back up. The galaxy's waiting."

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