flightforfreedom | A stupid post for stupid threads

That in and of itself was probably a sign the pilot was not alright. Finn shook his head slightly as he performed the now practiced task of moving jacket and shirt and checking each stitched and bandaged section of chest. He'd done it enough times he could manage it in his sleep now, no motion wasted.

There was a fresh bruise growing, dark and purple, underneath the just barely healed skin in his side, still filled with stitches. None of them seems to have torn, though, but he'd done something. However - Poe didn't look down, just watched Finn's face.

"Well? Do I get a pass? Can we keep going?"

He frowned, fingers hovering over, but not quite touching the bruise. Didn't look like internal bleeding, but it wasn't ideal. Home. Home and sleep, that would be the best plan.

But when did he do that, when Poe wanted otherwise? He put the clothing carefully back in place, then gave Poe a stern look. Serious Time. No Not Listening.

"We're going slow."

He didn't like that look, and his own expression darkened slightly into a frown. "I'll be fine, fine," He promised, but the promise was far more serious than flippant, this time, as he tucked in his shirt.

"We'll go slow."

Finn still wasn't smiling, but he knew that tone. He believed Poe, as far as Poe's definition of 'fine' went. Which primarily seemed to involve currently having at least half his normal blood supply still on the inside. It was, all in all, a very relative fine.

Still, he nodded and stepped back. Poe wasn't a child, either.

"Alright. Show me stuff."

Poe was almost fully recovered - enough so that General Organa had given him permission to return to active duty - so at the end of their few weeks stay at Kes Dameron's, they were getting ready to leave. Poe decided to take the A-Wing out on a few runs, which unfortunately meant leaving Finn behind, as the fighter only took a single seat - unless you were flying with a six year old son on your lap.

When he took off for the final time, Kes watched the fighter fly off, and then let out a long breath, before turning his head to Finn.

"... Come inside. I want to talk to you."

Finn had watched the take off, too, small smile in place. The hanger, at least, was in tip top shape. Most of their clothing had seen better days at this point, but it had been for a greater goal. Watching Poe get to fly around in his mother's fighter made it all more than worth it.

It speaks to how relaxing it was here that Finn actually started a little when Kes spoke. he hadn't been paying attention, hadn't been on guard for sudden enemy invasion like a good stormtrooper would be. But he nods and follows after the man half a second later.

"What's up?"

It was obvious that Kes had been preparing himself for this conversation, and he makes his way over to the stove to put the kettle on as Finn joins him. "Take a seat," He says, motioning to the little table in the kitchen while he fiddled with the kettle. He was silent for several moments as he waited for the water to boil.

"... It isn't easy. Being with someone who... every time they go up, every time they're in a cockpit, you know they might not come back." His words are even and measured. Practised. "It's different, even, than with soldiers. We're never alone. We're with our squad, with our platoon. There's always someone at our back. It's not the same, in the air."

"No, it's not."

He took his seat slowly, very much on edge now. Simply because he wasn't sure where this talk, clearly one some thought had gone into, was going. There was no stopping Poe. Even if Finn could guilt and pressure the man into quitting- a feat he's not sure even he could manage- Finn wouldn't be able to live with himself for doing it. Nothing was going to change. Kes had to know.

Still, Kes was right. When a fellow soldier was shot it was nothing to divert part of the squad, to cover them, to live up to the idea of no man left behind. When a fighter went down, there was nothing but blind, heart stopping panic. Too far away to do anything, nothing to be done into the ship was found.

He knew.

"I tried to stop him joining up." He continued after a long moment's pause, walking back over with the water and pouring out what was some kind of tea that he'd obviously made up himself out of herbs in his garden. He set one down in front of Finn, and then one in front of the opposite seat, before slowly lowering himself into it.

"I told him that he could fly just as much, have just as an exciting life, without being in a fighter. There is so much trade work, he could fly every moment of his life and never so much as see a gun, but he wouldn't hear it. I shouldn't have tried. I knew better, even then. All it did was drive him away, and he's never..." His shoulders sunk a little then, both hands wrapped around his steaming cup as he stared down into it. "It hasn't been the same. And it probably won't be, for a very, very long time. If ever. I've had to accept that."

He could drag Poe back out here every year or so, he was pretty sure. He'd never get the man out of a fighter cockpit, but he could maybe redirect it every now and again. But he wasn't sure even that was what Kes wanted to hear because he was so very far out of his depth now. Families. People you love but didn't agree with, ones that if you left didn't end in screams of traitor and attempted murder.

The tea was too hot, but Finn schooled his features as he took a sip anyway, trying to buy time. But even with his throat burning he was in over his head. Kes was right, he shouldn't have tried. Finn had known him for far less time and he knew that. Being a trader was nothing like having a cause, like putting life on the line for the sake of others.

At least he was aware enough not to reply with that.

"I'm don't know what to say."

He raised a hand, not looking up at Finn, but indicating that he wasn't done - that Finn didn't need to say anything because he hadn't really gotten to his point yet. However that didn't mean he continued immediately. Just lowered his hand slowly back to the table, and let the silence hang there for a while.

"Shara was... the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on." He continued in a quiet voice. "And I would have done anything for her. I did. But it was different. We met in the middle of the war, we were already in the thick of it - we dreamed of retirement together, after the empire was defeated and the battle was done, and..." He trailed off, looking miserable. "... We worked for peace. I assumed that once we found it, Poe would be able to grow up in it."

He raised his eyes again, meeting Finn's.

"... I can't lose my son again, Finn. Promise me - promise me, that if something happens, you'll-- I don't care what it means, but promise me that you'll save him, if you can." He knew he was asking the impossible, and being incredibly unfair by doing so, but he couldn't help it. "Don't let him die alone, Finn. Please."

It sent him back a few weeks. If I had the Force...

He set the cup down harder than was needed, not starting at the sharp noise it made. This was better. This he could deal with more than Kes and Poe's complicated relationship. There was a difference, in that Poe had no expectation of a happy retirement, of raising his kids in peace. Probably thanks to the failed dream of his own parents, of hearing Kes lament this very thing when he went off to war. Come to think of it, he had to wonder how much of his certainty of death and misery had been cemented in this very room...

Something for a different time. Absolutely not points he would bring up here.

"I'm in this for your son. For...for a very, very large part."

There were two people in this galaxy that weren't allowed to die alone or in pain. Finn would abandon any resistance mission to make sure of that without a moment of hesitation.

"I promise. Not while I'm around."

Ke's shoulders slumped forward, letting out a long breath as if he hadn't let himself breathe for several minutes. And indeed - it took him that look to gather himself up to reply. His eyes were wet, and silently, he raised the heel of his palm to his eyes and rubbed the moisture away, taking a shaking breath.

"... Thank you." The words were extremely quiet, and it was a long time before he offered any more of them.

"... I'm glad he-- I'd thought for certain that he was... avoiding--" The words weren't coming out right. "I wish he had - I wish I had known, before, but I know why he didn't. But I'm glad that he has you, anyway."

Finn didn't fully follow, but he instinctively started to reach a hand towards the man- then hesitated- then purposefully pushed forward anyway, placing the hand on his shoulder. Not patting, or rubbing, just there. It was Poe's father, not Poe himself, and Finn had only really gotten experience in offering comfort to the latter. But it was a start and any action was better than none at all.

"I...didn't have this. Or I did, maybe. Parents probably died in one battle or another, I don't remember. And the Order always picks up the resources left behind." That he, and any other kids still alive and young enough to not have any memories of their families and so have nothing to develop a sense of revenge over, counted as resources went without saying. "But Poe knows. How lucky he is."

Orphan. That made sense to Kes on a deep level, and he looked up at Finn, the edges of his eyes still shimmering, but his voice was steady when he spoke.

"He is lucky." He didn't mean himself. "And don't let him drive you completely insane, alright? If you need-- well. If you need anything, let me know. I don't have a huge amount of resources, but I can spare what I can."

"No, no. You've- this is a great place."

He looked out away from Kes, towards the door and at the trees beyond. They'd had a chance to explore during the weeks. Well, explore for him. Revisit old ground for Poe.

"Great," he repeated softly. "Peaceful."

Kes watched him for a long moment.

"... I'll make up a room for you," He said finally. "I mean-- obviously you're welcome to Poe's whenever you like, but - I'll make one up for you, too. You can come whenever you like."

"Thanks, that's...thanks. But, uh, how much space is there? For people."

There is a false idleness to the question that probably reads as instantly suspicious, the choice of people over guests odd enough. Finn never was much for lying. He had an estimate, anyway, but it would be helpful to have confirmation from the man himself.

That made Kes frown - not because he was offended, but because he was confused. "Ah - it was built for five, originally," He admitted, which was telling. Poe was an only child.

Apparently he wasn't supposed to be.

"But I could house more, if emergency required..."

"Rey grew up on Jakku, big waste of a desert."

Rey had been mentioned enough in the weeks, no need to explain more.

"No family either, fighting off other scavengers for...more of that. But it's nice here."

Finn took a small drink of tea, before looking up at Kes again.

"Can't even imagine, how different every thing would have been for us, for every orphan fighting because they have nothing else instead of because it's for the right thing, growing up in a place like this."

Rey had indeed been brought up a few times, and Kes smiled, finally thinking he'd figured out what Finn had been trying to ask for. "Of course, your friends are always welcome."

He looked out as Finn continued speaking, nodding quietly.

"I can. I saw it." Poe was proof. And he'd gone and fucked it up. His smile faded. "And then they'll make more, because war requires endless canon fodder."

"The war never ended at all, for some of us."

He isn't even sure it is the best idea to bring up, but without Poe here to risk making feeling slightly guilty over the differences in their pasts, it seemed the best time to mention what had been gnawing quietly at the back of his skull in this large, essentially empty place. Anyway, he had just sworn to die for Poe. Hard to find a bigger opening than that.

"And your son makes up a full half of my friends. Curious why you never drafted any kids into the compound yourself. You've got better food than the Order."

"Drafted kids--" He looked a little horrified at that, as if trying to figure out why he would need a child army, but then he seemed to figure out what Finn meant. "Adopt them, you mean." He frowned slightly, before turning to look out the window.

"I... I don't know. We'd always wanted- We were going to have more children, but..." He trailed off, his brows furrowing. "After I lost Shara, and Poe left..." He trailed off.

Finn, in his way, tries to be sympathetic. In that he takes a long moment to drink some more tea- and he might be a tea person now, he had never had much in the Order but Kes was winning him over- before he replies.

"Poe signed up a long time ago."

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