MoM IC Inbox

[flightforfreedom]

You've reached Poe Dameron. I'm off flying something or trying not to get killed, so go ahead and leave a message and I'll get back to you eventually.

 

Comments

[flightforfreedom]

Okay that sounds hilarious please go back to the beginning

[h2no]

you know blue and red right??
either way they're two guys from my timeline that recently hooked up
good for them etc
but blue asks me some stuff like how to get stuff to fit
and im trying to explain to him he's gotta take it slow, maybe use some toys and the entire time he's going cheri berry red
then red comes along and blue flips out for some reason
i guess there's a communication problem and he doesn't want to tell red his dick is huge? i dunno. don't care
then i text maxie instead of you because you're the only one i know who would appreciate how stupid this situation is

how do you get to twenty and still be weird about this stuff
i don't understand
i have a headache

[flightforfreedom]

I know Red, yeah.

That's adorable, even their names match. Good for them.

[There's a pause before the next text because Poe is just laughing too hard.]

They aren't the only ones. I keep meeting guys here who definitely should know what they're doing by this point, and definitely don't. I mean, who am I to judge, I joined the fleet as early as I could, and you don't spend your formative years in a barracks without learning everything.

maybe they just didn't have the opportunity

or maybe they didn't think they wanted to?

it's pretty funny, though. i've had to do some 'teaching' in my time, if you know what i mean, and it's always got a hilarious element to it

at least they tend to be very enthusiastic

[h2no]

i think if more people ask me i'm going to just link them to a website or a video
why they don't know is their business but i'd rather people take it seriously
i don't think they understand how important it is to use the right stuff. do they know what to do if they're allergic to regular store lube? or latex condoms?
what if their partner is on the same level of misunderstanding and they end up doing something they don't understand and one or both ends up hurt?

i'm annoyed
this is annoying






at least they knew about the lube thing. arceus.

[flightforfreedom]

[Wow Archie your concern is adorable, Poe is just going to grin at his communicator for a second before replying.]

Well, we were giving an 'educational briefing' on it in the fleet, since they knew they couldn't stop us from fooling around in the first place.

Maybe someone should do some educational briefings for imPorts. A lot of the stuff here is different to home - I bet even well meaning people might not know all the ropes.

You should start a show.

[h2no]

god i'm not doing it then everyone might start asking me stuff i don't want that
i asked kaneki to put something on the faq and do you know what he said???
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT HE SAID???????????????????????
HE SAID NO

[flightforfreedom]

[He is trying so hard not to laugh and failing.]

Obviously he is not understanding the severity of the issue.

I could ask your comm to post it anonymously for you

you could be Earth's anonymous sex Jedi

[h2no]

no i can tell how it would go
id get a bunch of people acting all high and mighty about how easy it is and how much they know and why don't i come to their sex dungeon to see their collection
also i just yelled at like 5 people about it they'd know

[flightforfreedom]

We'd keep your secret, sex jedi

though yeah I'm not sure you want to open that particular wormhole

[h2no]

[there's no reply again for another eightish hours.]

you know i was hoping this was kind of a fever dream but turns out i actually said stupid stuff to my friends??
cool.

[flightforfreedom]

Hahahaha good morning Archie

it's fine, it is obviously an important subject to you

[h2no]

it is
but
also upsetting people is not my thing anymore
you okay?
god please tell me i didn't yell at you about dicks too

[flightforfreedom]

We commiserated over the lack of proper sexual education, you're okay.

you're welcome to yell about dicks with me anytime ;)

[h2no]

okay good
dicks dick dicks butts boobs

[flightforfreedom]

I'm going to print that out as one of those inspirational posters I keep seeing at work.

[h2no]

straight guys'll love it

[flightforfreedom]

Archie I do commercials, everyone I work with is in entertainment. None of them are straight.

[h2no]

oh i thought like in a store
what channel
i wanna laugh at you on tv how's your acting

[flightforfreedom]

[Poe sends him links to some Teal Deer Energy Drink commercials. They are basically like the Old Spice commercials in that they are ridiculous and things turn into diamonds.

In every one, it ends with him on the back of a giant teal deer, rearing like a horse.]

[h2no]

[HILARIOUS AND ALSO HOT]

damn poe
nice
uh
you?

[flightforfreedom]

[He's just laughing.]

I think you can see what I mean when I say u doubt anyone at work is straight.

[h2no]

genuine question how many first gay experiences have you led

[flightforfreedom]

at work or in general

[h2no]

single or double digits

1/2

[flightforfreedom]

I don't kiss and tell, archie