flightforfreedom | MoM IC Inbox

Yeah. I'm fine.

[The words hang for a second and then he sighs, running a hand through his hair. He could try to lie, but - the last time he saw Bodhi--

It wasn't really a good time to try to lie to the man.]

Okay, so, maybe not fine exactly. I'm alive, somehow survived that fucked up house - even if survived isn't even quite true - and I --

Actually, would it be okay if we met up, or something? Just. Watched a stupid movie. I have some more of those 'disney' films that seem pretty good?

I get it. [ His experience was different, but given the way he'd left Poe, and everything that happened after... he does understand. ]

Yeah, movies... we can do that. Your place or mine?

We can do yours. [That was he could check on Kay, too.]

I'll head over your way in a few minutes. Want me to pick up anything on my way?

Snacks?

Alcohol?

Sounds good. Bring a big selection of movies. [ He'll set up the tv and clear up the front room, as he'd all but collapsed on the sofa as soon as he made it back to the house. ]

Wont say no to either of those things.

[It was about an hour before he arrived - cutting the time down by hopping through the Porter (with his carpet) - and with snacks, movies, and wine in tow. It had been between wine and beer and Poe had made a random decision.

He gave a crisp knock on the door and set the bags down.]

Just a second! [ And it's literally a second, because he rushed right to the door to answer it, taking in Poe's appearance. A little worse for wear, but not in pieces, leaking black tar from jagged cracks, or bleeding but... alive.

Bodhi does't even make sure that the bags are out of his hand (which, thankfully they were) before he's thrown his arms around in his friend and pulled him in for a hug. ]

[Poe was already going for it - meeting the hug with an equal amount of relief and enthusiasm, hugging him so hard and right that he almost lifted Bodhi off the ground.]

Boy I am glad to see you, buddy.

[He gives him another tight squeeze and then pulls back to check him over. Good. He looks okay. ... There's a half second pause and then he hugs him again.]

[ Ooph, he somehow remains still on the ground, but doesn't complain about the force of the hug, and seems hesitant to let him go right away. ]

Not as happy as I am to see you.

[ Bodhi won't even fight a second hug, but it's his turn to pull away first, still searching. At least until the realization that they could be here all day, just standing on this step hits. He grins, moving aside slightly. ]

I should let you come in, huh.

Hey, at least it's not Hoth. [He shouldn't be grinning so hard, given the circumstances - but that's actually why he is. Despite everything, they are both still here and alive.]

[He ducked down to grab the bags again before sliding inside.]

I want you to know that I basically just bought all the DVDs on that shelf, so I have no idea what's included. Everything else has a similar level of thought going into its choice, so if I brought something weird, blame the store.

[ Once Poe was inside, he closed the door behind him. Neko the roomba came zooming out in the hall to meet them, nudging past a leg or two for a scratch. ]

So we'll have a large variety of things to choose from. That's fine. I haven't seen ... any of these movies, but I've heard Disney movies are popular.

I like them. They aren't like holovids. Lots of colour, singing, dancing, and nothing it's real. It's all drawings. [He can't help but smile at the Roomba.]

Aw, she's cute. Nice to see you too - Neko? That's your name, huh? Yeah X-celsior is mine. Yeah, I know he's weird. Haha, right. Okay, see you later.

[Back to the matter at hand. He walks to the couch and flops the bag on it.]

This one looks fun? It's all animals.

That sounds.. charming, actually. [ He watches Poe with Neko for a moment, stopping to give the roomba a small pat before it speeds off, then picks up the movie in question. ]

Robin Hood? Oh, they're animals wearing clothes. That's funny. [ and a quick look at the synopsis on the back cover. ] Alright, let's try it.

[ and in the player, the movie goes. ]

What kind of snacks did you bring? I have some miniature chocolate bars -- if you want some of those. [ Which is supposed to be Halloween candy, but he can always replace it later. ]

Sure, bring them out. Let's see - I got chips, tiny white powdered donuts, a bunch of little packages of crackers and cheese - I love these things, okay - a bunch of candy and uh -- [He pauses as he pulls out a loaf of convenience store banana bread] -- whatever this is.

[He puts them down on the coffee table and then flops onto the couch like he would sink into it. Even couches felt like a luxury, after that place. Being able to relax and sit down-- .... Try not to think about it, Dameron.]

Sounds good, all of it. I'm starving, I haven't had anything to eat since before -- [ a pause ] yeah, I'll be right back.

[ Bodhi catches himself before he says the words, and shakes himself out of it, smiling and going to get the candy out of the cupboard.

Nope, not talking about that. Or thinking about it.

Returning, he plops the bag on the table and settles back on the sofa, going for one of the doughnuts, just as the opening of the movie begin to play. ]

[He knows the weight in that pause, but he doesn't address it. He doesn't want to think about it either. Even if part of him can't stop thinking about it.

He needs Bodhi to know he's okay.

He needs to know that Bodhi's okay.

So when the man flops down on the couch, Poe shuffles right over until he's leaning a shoulder against him.]

I have to admit in advance that I only know what half these animals are even supposed to be. I need to go to the zoo again.

[ Bodhi raises a brow, but he doesn't say anything as Poe scoots over to him. In fact, he feels some of the tension loosen from his body. This is ... nice.

Poe is alive, and real. There's no life or death situation. Just them, a movie and junkfood.

He laughs. ] I think we have rabbits, foxes, a turtle... I'm not sure what the big guy is?

We should do that, one of these days. Go to the zoo. They had some strange animals.

[ Says the guy who lived in space. ]

[It's not totally out of the ordinary - Poe has a tendency towards physical affection anyway, and especially with Finn is almost always leaning on or touching him. But this seems a little different. Maybe it was simply because he needed to be reminded of Bodhi being whole and solid. And of himself not being in pieces. Yeah. Stop thinking, Dameron.]

I've been a couple of times - mostly after it's closed. Yeah, yeah, I know, but they don't like me flying around there in the day. Means I don't get to see everything, though.

[He falls quiet as the movie goes on, but beyond noting that for whatever reason Robin Hood is really attractive, he's having a hard time paying attention. His mind just keeps wandering back to the house like a broken record, skipping from disaster to disaster. So after a little while, without actually looking at Bodhi, he speaks.]

.... I wanted to say thank you. For - uh - for staying with me.

And I'm sorry.

Maybe we could actually do during the day, you see more that way. Giraffes, for example. If you haven't seen an giraffe, you've missed out.

[ During the silence, watching the film (the music is quite engaging) - Bodhi occasionally glances up and over at Poe, or nudges him in the shoulder when he remarks on Robin Hood's attractiveness, but the smile fades quickly after each of these instances.

It feels like he's waiting, for someone to bring up what had happened in the haunted house.

Poe beats him to it. It feels weird to have this conversation with a children's film on in the background. But it's all but out of his mind.]

I -- couldn't just leave you there. [ Bodhi knows what its like, to die alone. Each time, he'd been on his own. As horrifying as it had been, he didn't want Poe to experience that. However, at the next... the apology, Bodhi pulls away slightly, to look at him. ]

For what? You have nothing to be sorry for. Everything that happened in that house, that was on the bastard that threw us in there.

[ And yet, he blames himself for breaking the glass to begin with. ]

[Poe's eyes are still fixed on the screen, but his brows are knitted tightly above them.]

I know. But I tried to find you, after, and I just -- it was like running in circles with no way out.

[Without the support of Bodhi's shoulder, he slumped further into the sofa, as if it was trying to swallow him up.]

I promised myself that I wasn't going to let anything happen to you. Not again. And I - I mean that for all of you, but-- [The frown deepened, eyes still resolutely staring forward and definitely not at Bodhi.]

I wanted you to be able to count on me, to let yourself relax. Live.

I was hoping I'd be able to find you again as well, but I got stuck in other rooms. [ Instead ... There'd been the mirrors again, the fire, the dream type place. ]

Poe. [ Bodhi turns towards the man on the couch. When will you stop trying to shoulder so much? ] That's -- I'm not the one who died, in that room [ he leaves out that not long after he'd faced yet another demise via being impaled literally minutes later. ] and I appreciate you wanting to look out for me, I do but... we both know that things just happen, and you can't always fix or change them.

I already do count on you. To be my friend. But I don't want you to sacrifice your wellbeing for me, or act like it's your responsibility when something goes wrong, if I get into trouble. None of us do.

Anyways, I'm sorry I broke that mirror.

[The pause was a little too long, to make Poe's next words sound honest, even if he forced a sheepish smile to his lips and finally turned his head to look at Bodhi.]

Don't worry about me. I'm fine.

It was that or leave me there. You took the option I would have - and I was pretty much yelling at you the whole time to do it.

[He reached out for Bodhi's hand, finding it and squeezing it tightly in his own.]

I only actually meant to say thank you. You can forget I said anything else

[ Bodhi looks at him, full on, not even trying to hide the utter disbelief written on his face. ]

And I'm Emperor Palpatine. [ Deadpan. Such deadpan. ] You can talk to me, you know that, right? Or at least not lie to my face.

[ He shakes his head, honestly Poe. But doesn't pull his hand away, giving it a small squeeze in return. ]

But it killed you. [ And I was almost as horrified as I'd ever been in my whole life, he wants to say. ]

What are you thanking me for?

Edited 2017-11-17 02:48 (UTC)

[He visibly winces, giving Bodhi a sheepish look.]

... Sorry. Habit. [I'm fine. I can fly. You don't need to ground me. He cleared his throat to push the memory away. He turned his head to meet Bodhi's eyes - really meet them- despite the disbelief on display.]

I'm not trying to lie to you, Bodhi. [There's a pause there because he has to think his next words through.

He doesn't let go of Bodhi's hand.]

I've been forcing myself to be okay so long - to keep myself flying - I-- I try not to think about whether I am, or not.

Yeah. I -- I died, in there, and it wasn't even the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

But I wasn't alone.

[ Bodhi sighs, shakes his head. He's not upset, as his gaze softens as Poe finally looks at him. ] I can't speak for your experiences, but we're not in the middle of a war here, you're allowed to lean on us or not always be okay.

Me. Kay. Cassian and Jyn. We want you to be here and whole, but if you're not we're here for you.

[ Bodhi winces. ] ... And I realize that phrasing wasn't the best, sorry.

[ He can only wonder what worse is, but doesn't want to push at it. ]

And you're still not.

[He doesn't say anything, immediately, a mix of emotions that he can't clarify fighting each other in his breast and making the muscles twist. A lion and a snake on the tv might as well belong to a different world - and they do. Because Poe is only half here - he's only ever been half here. The rest of him is fighting a war that will never end.

[He swallowed, thickly, and turned his gaze away again.]

... Thanks. I- appreciate it. I wish I could feel like I wasn't - like the war was over, but--

[But Hux was still here. He didn't say it out loud. The let out a long breath.]

I want to be able to treat this place like a life. I do. But half of everything here doesn't make sense and the half that does might as well be part of the war.

Even dying-- [He hesitates, looking back at Bodhi.]

I think it was - worse for you, that for me. Part of me just- expects it, I think. All the time. It has to.

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